Close House
Earlier this week Steve Tattersfield, north captain for 2017, gathered his players for a final large scale rehearsal – not just anywhere though but at next month’s venue Close House itself! A tasty bit of one-upmanship on the opposition, only slightly marred by the non-attendance of a couple of team members. The group played both of the courses on which the match will be fought out come May, the Colt and the Filly, and sent back extremely positive reports of both, and of the venue as a whole. The northerners were also lucky enough to bump into none other than Lee Westwood himself, designer of both of the Close House 18s – no doubt he passed on some useful tips. Intelligence about how the North had played and scored over their 36 holes was very hard to come by but they seem extremely positive in the lead up to the match, as the following quotes from Tattersfield will illustrate.
Andy Fearnsides and Rob Fleming trap Lee
“It’s a glad welcome I bring to you this morning, filled with the desires, hopes and dreams all of us share. Not long now until captain Burke and his team cross the full length of the country to Close House and we see the start of the 2017 North v South Ryder Cup!
“I’d like to announce my team and welcome the three rookies it features – Alan Doig, Chris Ramm and Mick Baldwin – all of whom will bring yet more strength to an already strong side. The team in full will be:
Steve Tattersfield, Captain
Mick Baldwin
Jimmy Curley
Joe Curley
Alan Doig
Andy Fearnsides
Rob Fleming
Steve Hardwick
Andy Kaye
Phil Lister
Darren Mountain
Chris Ramm”
The North captain continued, “This year promises to be the most competitive year yet with the standard of every golfer getting better. I have great hopes hosting at Close House that it will not disappoint and will even outdo the brilliant 2015 St Mellion event. Fingers crossed for the championship of the year, the battle royale, the best weekend of the year so far and most of all 24 friends getting together to fight for the honour of lifting the coveted Cup. Not to mention the associated bragging rights!”
Imposing (& slightly moose-shaped?) bunker
And then he really got into his stride: “As the very proud Northern captain I’m looking forward to welcoming all you Southern shandy drinking c****, prancing about in your posh golf gear, thinking you are the dogs b******s. Bring it on! Us northerners s**t gold and p**s perfection. We are legends that walk this earth surrounded by lesser counties. We are superior golfers that are armed with golf bags full of weapons. We are Immortal. We are the Elite. We are Northern!!”
Well! Apologies if any of our readers are offended by the fiery language there – surely demonstrates, if there were any doubt, what is at stake for these players. Tattersfield has put together a strong side – there has been much rumour of the “Tatt Axe” having fallen on some very longstanding Ryder Cup faces (necks?) but, whatever the truth of that, the group that emerges looks formidable.
The Tatt Axe
Discussions are at an advanced stage concerning handicap marks and we should be able to publish them here very soon. The contest is now less than one month away.